Life
I feel like this week everything has really been against me. It is hard to get thru tonight, I just feel incredibly beat down.

It is little small things that are getting to me. But they are a part of the bigger things, and I really am not sure how to deal with it.

I don't want to go back to work. I don't want to deal with my car. I don't want to find a new job.

I really just want to but up my white flag and just give up on everything.

Life is not on my side right now. It is so hard to believe otherwise.

I have such a strong urge to hurt myself again. I can't, I won't. But the urge won't go away. The need to see the pain, to bleed it all out of my system.

I drew with my pastels today. It sucked. I didn't feel the passion I used to have. I wasn't inspired to create a damn thing. I don't know what I love anymore. I can't find anything that makes me feel unconditionally good.

I really do feel quite broken.

And I hate it. And it becomes so hard not to just give up and hate me.

I wish I knew how to fix this. To fix these feelings.