Emotional (Pregnancy Part 3
so I've spent the better part of the last hour or so trying not to get all worked up. It hasn;t worked. I don't like not being able to control or even handle this kind of thing. I cry when I dont want to, and I dont have anyone to ask for help. I want a hug, I want someone to want to be around me and I want someone to love me. I know I fucked up. I am a fucked up being and so is everyone else. My alien is a constant fucking reminder of a mistke that changed my life. He's not even here yet and I know that.

I wish I could not care. I wish I could just say fucking it and end it. Before all this happened, that was the state of mind I was in. I wanted to kill myself. Tonight I don't even trust myself with a blade. I don't want to feel better anymore I just want everything to go away. I can't fix this, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I can't put into words how worthless I feel right now. Half of the people who said they would be there for me just threw that all out the window tonight. I'm sure in a few days everything will be fine. Right now I need help though.

I wish this would all go away. Everything.